WHY YOUR LECTURES AREN'T WORKING

This one's personal.

It exposes a weakness I have as a parent.

I know I shouldn’t do it, yet I catch myself doing it all the time.

I talk too much AT my teens.

Years ago, back when I was a high school teacher, I sat across from a frustrated dad at a parent-teacher conference.

His son was missing assignments, putting in zero effort, and ignoring nearly everything his dad told him.

A few minutes into the conversation, I understood exactly why.

The dad wasn't listening.

He just kept talking, circling the same points again and again.

It wasn’t long into the conversation before I caught myself zoning out, fighting the urge to roll my eyes.

Then it hit me.

This is exactly what his son does when Dad talks.

Eyes glaze over. Brain shuts off. Say "yes" as fast as possible just to end it.

I learned something that day that I still have to remind myself of now.

When you communicate with teens - TALK LESS.

And whatever you do, don't lecture.

But that raises a fair question.

If I don’t lecture, how do I get the point across?

This matters too much to just say nothing.

In Your Teenager Is Not Crazy, Dr. Jeramy and Jerusha Clark explain that teens are still developing abstract thinking, the ability to perceive clearly, and make sound judgments.

That is what we’re hoping to develop when we lecture them, right?

We want our kids to grow into grounded, purposeful adults who make good decisions.

But the Clarks make another important point:

"Teenage brains learn best by examples."

Real-world examples give teens the context and experience needed to develop the kind of thinking we’re trying to pour into them with words.

And it starts with us.

As the Clarks put it:

“It’s a waste of time to think about parenting strategies until we first examine ourselves.”

Ouch.

If we want our teens to learn from their mistakes, we have to model it.

If we want them to have more discipline, they need to see it in us first.

But there's something else that is just as important.

Get your teens around godly men and women who are actually living out the character and purpose you want for them.

Exemplars.

Faithful people who demonstrate what we keep trying to talk our teens into.

Modeling it ourselves and finding others who do the same is harder than giving another lecture.

But it is far more powerful.

How can you give your teen more of those examples?